My daughter is visiting this month and we went to Disney yesterday and rode roller coasters and ate a pretzel and refilled our water bottle at water fountains while watching frustrated parents and too tired kids maneuver the walkways. Occasionally you see a “moment” where a family is sitting together laughing or enjoying each others company. For example, we watched a family of four laughing and sitting talking while sharing a snack and looking at their photos on a camera. They genuinely appeared to love this time together and were taking it all in stride, including the crowds and the lovely moist Florida inland heat. I spent yesterday looking for those moments amongst family and friends and was surprised that when you look for them, you find them and see them instead of seeing the screaming children, cranky parents, bored people, and people that seemed surprised that it is crowded.

As I took pause at the thoughts about seeing more happy moments and not the unhappy ones, I wondered how many times I really enjoyed my job in the last 21 years, 11 months and 23 days. I mean actually enjoyed the JOB. There were a surprising number of moments, like the time the Jeff’s (two grumpy guys named Jeff) had first person day and spoke in first person on all conference calls that day, no matter the audience. The time I challenged a coworker to use the words “oompa loompa” in a presentation and not only did he use them, but the executive he was presenting to latched onto the Willy Wonka theme and used analogies and comments based on the movie and books for the rest of the hour. There were definitely moments, but I’m not sure I enjoyed the actual work. Maybe, I wonder, did I enjoy the work (I did get to do things I was really good at) but not the environment or culture I was in? A broader question, to be addressed later is if I believed in the industry itself (I think I already know the answer).

The thing about the moments though is that they were all people based and mostly not work related. They were about relationships like when one of the Jeff’s called me just months after my own father passed away of swift moving cancer and told me his father had passed away of a heart attack. He was stunned, numb, and frozen. I told him to take a month off – I would cover his absence and to go take care of his mom. I had had time to prepare (although I wasn’t really, but at least got to say goodbye), but Jeff had not. People told me I couldn’t do what I was doing, but I did it anyway (it was what my own dad would have done). Jeff and I spent a lot of days later when he returned to work discussing the pros and cons of knowing someone is dying vs them dying suddenly. Sad times, but moments I remember.

There were so many other moments that I hope to memorialize later as I start to write about this journey of an unknown future and thoughtfulness about the past. There were new puppies, new babies, deaths, deployments, illness, divorces, alcohol problems rising, AA anniversaries, mental illness, kid problems, so much laughter, some sad moments, angry discussions  – all moments.

Don’t get me wrong, I and my teams accomplished a lot. One thing I hope comes out over time in my writing is that I know I am good at solving problems quickly, accurately and usually when they are on fire. I get and got results and really good ones. Yet, in this early moment of leaving behind this life, those results are not what is on my mind (albeit, they ARE what is on my resume). What is on my mind is the moments, maybe the accomplishments and results will matter later. Maybe they never will. It depends on what I decide to do in the future and if those results end up mattering. Part of me hopes they do matter since it was after all, 21 years, 11 months and 23 days. If it ends up NOT mattering, then this writing may take a new turn, although, I think for others who have left lengthy corporate careers, not a surprising turn and set of insights.